Corpse Cleaner
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Tsuna...honestly didn't know HOW he ended up a cleaner. At least the pay is good, even if the job is disgusting. And don't get him started on Lussuria's special 'collection'. It could be worse, even as he slowly begins to unravel the lies that surrounded him for years, thanks to the fact he's besties with most of the Varia.
1. Chapter 1

**As a special birthday pres from me to you, I am posting a few stories from the drabbles as full ones. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Another day, another dead body. Might as well get this over with," sighed a figure in front of the alley. "At least it's not the Varia again."

The figure was small and rather petite. He couldn't possibly be anywhere out of his teens, if that. However he got to work with the quiet efficiency of long practice. A _lot_ of long practice.

By the time he left the alleyway, the crime scene had been 'sanitized' that the odds of any decent forensic techs finding anything they could use in court were pretty much gone. Not only that, but the body itself was dumped far, far away from the jurisdiction of the local cops, and thus it was unlikely anyone would be able to pinpoint exactly where the body had been killed off.

Under the cap, tired honey colored eyes watched the road as they drove to the usual spot where they dumped bodies.

He often wondered exactly what god he had pissed off to make _this_ his life. He still had trouble figuring out how exactly he had stumbled into this sort of job in the first place.

It wasn't like he particularly _enjoyed_ moving corpses or destroying evidence.

Dumping the corpse was annoying, but at least now he could take a steaming hot shower and relax...provided he didn't get another call out by the various hit men, assassins or general killers to clean up their mess.

It said a lot about his skills that he had the freaking _Varia_ on speed dial. Though he really didn't appreciate the fact Lussuria had apparently decided _he_ was the perfect person to force into helping him clean out _their_ rooms of "interesting corpses" when they were no longer attractive...or when Squalo demanded that they clean up after themselves.

He could do without knowing the Sun Officer's taste in fetish gear, thank you very much. Or worse, knowing what said gear was _used_ for after hearing a far too detailed explanation from said Sun.

His life, why?

It was with some relief that he drove up to the spot the client had indicated they wanted it dumped. Some famiglias had specific areas they wanted bodies disposed of (mostly because they had the cops who patrolled that area on the payroll) or they wanted something _special_ done with the corpse.

It said far too much about his life these days that he didn't even care about getting creative when it came to posing the bodies. Or that he now made it a habit to canvas the area for a few hours before he dealt with the security cameras and discreetly positioned the corpse before leaving the area.

He had a collection of some of his more...interesting jobs, as sad as that was.

As if it wasn't enough that he had the Varia _literally_ on speed dial during the slow weeks when he really needed the cash...he was far too familiar with the Varia as a whole, mostly because they made him clean out the castle of all the random corpses that piled up, up to and including Lussuria's private collection (on the plus side Squalo at least made the mook squads help him haul out the parts that failed to dissolve under Storm flames)... but he couldn't complain.

It was a job, and at least being on first name basis with the Varia Elite meant they would be less likely to actually take out a hit on him unless ordered by the Vongola main family. As in it had to come from Nono himself and they had to have concrete evidence he was an active threat to the famiglia in question.

Which wasn't likely to happen, if the odd looks they had given him after Lussuria bullied him into a free medical exam the one time he showed up with a minor flu was any indication. He didn't know why, just that they had apparently stumbled across something after they drew a bit of blood.

Maybe they knew his dad or something? He couldn't really see his mother as part of organized crime.

Once finished, he was about half-way to his current apartment when his phone rang. He wanted to cry... he was so close to a proper shower too!

The only reason he didn't let it go to voicemail was because of who was calling.

"Hello Squalo. Does the castle need another spring cleaning again?" asked Tsuna tiredly.

"_Voi. Just get off another job?"_ he asked with some sympathy. It wasn't much, but Tsuna would take what he could get.

"Yeah."

"_I've been getting one too many complaints about bodies in the castle. You interested in doing spring cleaning a bit early?"_

"I'm free at the moment. Tell Mammon I'm bringing my expense forms and spread sheets like they asked...took me forever to track them down."

"_Will do. See you in a few days brat."_

Tsuna hung up and sighed.

First things first, take a long hot shower, food, nap and then clean out the apartment of the essentials before starting the long drive to Varia territory.

At least they paid for living expenses while he was helping them clean the place. Even if staying in a castle full of crazies tended to make it difficult to sleep.

A few days later, Tsuna walked right in and went to find Squalo.

"Voi! Glad you're here brat. If I have to hear one more rookie whine about a dead body in their room..."

"Well look at the bright side. You get to point out that an almost civilian contractor who cleans up after them doesn't whine as much as they do about handling dead things and then throw them in the deep end with even more horrible training until they shut up about it," Tsuna snarked back.

Squalo's grin was positively evil and shark-like. After the first two times the kid had to deal with being in close contact with them, he had lost any fear he had of their habits. He was something close to a good friend who put up with your insane habits, which was far too difficult to find in their line of work.

"Mammon in?" asked Tsuna. He gave the Varia a flat rate for his help, and gave them a week's discount if Mammon could make sense of his books. Being a small business owner with no other employees was tough, but it was even worse when you were one that had regularly flunked math.

Considering he usually found the majority of said bodies within the week, Mammon didn't mind. At least Tsuna kept better track of his receipts than most of the mooks they had to deal with. Even if the boy didn't really have a head for money.

Tsuna could care less about how much he made so long as he was paid enough to deal with basic expenses. A fact that both amused and annoyed the Mist. He had built up quite the nest egg from all the little bonuses he kept getting for being efficient and keeping his mouth shut about what he was doing.

And he didn't even need to sell the collection he had started to get it either. He still didn't get why the mafia liked their rings so much.

Mammon accepted the file Tsuna had put together and waved him off. They would sort through his expense reports and balance his books later.

Tsuna was almost boneless with relief when Mammon commented that he could afford to hire an extra hand to help haul the bodies around full time. His back ached every time he got a big bruiser...those took forever to get into his van.

As such when he went to stock up on supplies, he was very surprised to find someone who could easily fit the bill of what he needed in a partner.

The silver-haired boy was clearly pricing out cleaning supplies, and had the markings of someone who liked to blow things up a lot. There was a slightly gaunt look to his face, as if he had to forgo regular eating in favor of his preferred weapon.

Likely a budding hit man, and not a very successful one either.

He wrote something in clumsy Italian (he could speak it fluently but his written one still needed a lot of work) along with his phone number.

While it hadn't been intentional, Tsuna _did_ have a name for himself in the underworld and his clients appreciated the fact that he told the varying famiglias when he was in their territory, if only so they could hire him.

Sometimes it was better to "know a guy" than hire professionals, and he was often "the guy" they called. The fact he was well known to be on good terms with the Varia really helped, since they had strong connections to the Vongola.

The silverette didn't even realize Tsuna had left the card in his pocket until much later, when he went to look for his spare lighter.

* * *

_With Hayato..._

Hayato Gokudera was a budding hit man, one who had only recently earned a name for himself. It wasn't much, but at least it was out there now.

As such he was very confused as to why he found a card for a 'cleaning' service with a clumsily written note on the back that they were hiring extra help, along with a phone number.

Normally he would have dismissed it, but whoever had put that in his pocket had done so without his noticing, rather than rob him. More to the point he vaguely recognized the name.

Besides, cleaning meant free access to chemicals, which were a pain to get in decent quantities.

Perhaps it was fate that he ran into Shamal when he did.

"Wait... you found _his_ card in your pocket?" said Shamal incredulous.

"You know him?" asked Hayato.

"Only through word of mouth. Rumor has it that it's a one-man operation run by a kid about your age. He's good though... he goes in, removes the body and then does so much damage to the evidence on scene that the cops can't really trace it back to the one who did the hit. I even heard a rumor that the Varia hires him once or twice a year to clean the castle out of the dead bodies that tend to pile up...especially around the Sun Officer's personal rooms."

Hayato went wide eyed at that.

"He's personally hired by the _Varia_?" he said in shock.

Varia meant Vongola, Vongola meant that he would have a chance to make connections and possibly get a chance to enter the famiglia.

"Don't get your hopes up kid. From what I heard he mostly needs a hand to help haul dead bodies around and possibly sanitize the scene. Doesn't mean you'll get a chance to get your name out there," said Shamal.

"Yeah, but it still means easy access to chemicals and if I'm lucky he won't mind me slipping things into the bill for myself," said Hayato. "That plus a steady paycheck."

He needed the money, and to be honest this at least sounded like he'd have steady work and food to eat. Never mind the access to chemicals to make even more of his bombs with.

Shamal grimaced at that, but said nothing. He still paid for lunch, because he could tell Hayato needed it. He was good at surviving, but that didn't meant he was a proper street brat. And bombs, even home made ones like the one his former student used, did not come cheap.

Hayato debated on calling the number for all of a week, before he caved after his stomach complained one time too many.

If nothing else he could build up his stash of bombs and possibly a cushion until he could try his luck as a hit man again.

The sheer relief on the other end of the phone was a bit surprising, though not as much as actually meeting his potential boss.

The kid was a twig and looked like a fluffy cat.

"You're the guy who runs this operation?" said Hayato incredulous.

"I get that a lot," admitted Tsuna.

"But... you're just a kid!"

"A kid who dropped out of school at fourteen, managed to make it all the way to Italy on his own without any help and somehow ended cleaning up corpses and crime scenes and is now on a first name basis with _the_ top assassins in the underworld," said Tsuna patiently. "And don't ask me how I got into this business, because I'm still trying to remember how it happened and coming up short."

Hayato stared at him.

"So were you serious about that job?" he asked finally.

Tsuna pointed to a big bruiser of a thug. One that didn't have much brains to speak of.

"See that guy? Exactly how long do you think it would take me to haul him into a van in order to dispose of the body?"

"...I see your point."

Bodies, much like cold hard cash, were essentially dead weight. And Tsuna was positively tiny with not much muscle to speak of. It would take him an hour at least just to haul someone that big into a van, never mind getting the guy out again.

"So why me?"

"I saw the small tells that lead me to believe you're mafia raised, and from the way you were pricing out chemicals without having any of the signs of drug use, I suspected you would know how to mix the particular solution I use to sanitize scenes," said Tsuna shrugging. "Not to mention the fact I could tell you haven't been eating regularly, which means you would be open to an unusual job with a steady paycheck and not ask too many questions or gain a sudden case of loose lips around cops."

Hayato felt a bit of respect for the kid hearing that.

Mixing up chemicals to clean up scenes was well within his abilities, so long as he had a recipe to follow and the ingredients. And as a mafia raised brat, he had a natural inclination to avoid cops.

"How would you feel about me using the company as a way to get easy access to chemicals in order to make bombs?"

"I could care less about what you do with your paycheck so long as the cops don't come around asking why a couple of kids need restricted chemicals, especially since the job isn't entirely legal to begin with and I'm technically too young to drive," said Tsuna flatly.

Hayato perked up at that, and was relieved his potential boss didn't mind him using the company name to stock up on his own weapons.

"So do I have to sign a contract or what?"

"We're going to do a trial basis first, to see if you can stomach the work. Some people can handle the sight of the dead, some can't. Especially if it's one of Luss-nee's collection," said Tsuna with a grimace.

"Luss?"

"Lussuria, the Varia Sun officer. I used to have the worst nightmares about his collection the first time I had to help clean it out. Fortunately he doesn't mind what I do with them after so long as he doesn't have to hear Squalo bitch about cleaning his rooms again."

Tsuna's grin was positively devious.

"I find it's great stress release to dump _those_ bodies onto the lawns of people who have stiffed me at some point within the year in highly suggestive positions. I have an entire album with pictures, including ones that come from a long-range lens at their reaction."

Hayato grinned, before a thought occurred to him.

"Exactly how good are you at getting past security?" he asked.

"I'm good enough to the point Squalo has me hold classes with the rookies on how to clean up after themselves and to make sure they don't leave evidence behind. And I've left corpses in pretty public places without being caught before, including on fountains and the like."

"So if I wanted to leave a few horrifying and graphic bodies on my dad's front lawn for him to find and gag over..."

"Then I would be more than happy to help pose them for maximum effect for free so long as you agree to work for me," said Tsuna.

Hey, he had to find some humor in his disgusting job. Might as well have some fun with the dead.

Hayato, once he got over the somewhat gross nature of the job, found it rather soothing. The only real issue he had was how back-breaking it was to haul heavy corpses into the van, and Tsuna was pretty good about paying him a fair cut. If anything he gave Hayato extra whenever they were forced to deal with something too gross for words.

It was strange, how easily he fell in line behind the smaller, fluffy teen. Or how much easier it was to laugh at the look of pure relief on Tsuna's face the second he learned Hayato was decent at budgeting and didn't mind taking over his least favorite part of running a business.

Mammon was going to be happy... his books were a bit more organized now and with the addition of Hayato, Tsuna was able to demand better rates.

The Mist had despaired of the foolish boy living on 'charity', in their words.


	2. Chapter 2

It said something about the sheer stupidity that she had to deal with on a daily basis that when Lal Mirch accidentally discovered what Iemitsu's son was doing in Italy, her first reaction wasn't to tell her boss.

The reason was simple really. This kid had been in close contact with the Varia multiple times and they had even done a check to see if he was related to anyone important. The odds of the Varia Elite _not_ knowing the kid was Iemitsu's spawn were almost nonexistent. Hell, Viper practically confirmed they knew damn well who the fluffy haired teen was, but kept their silence.

So Lal decided to try the third option, rather than piss off a _lot_ of people by forcibly relocating the kid back to a town he had run away from in the first place. Which would have been Iemitsu's only plan if he had known where his son was or _what_ he had been doing the past few years.

She decided to meet up with Viper and Squalo to work out a compromise. One that might be able to undo all the damage Iemitsu had been doing to his apprentice. Really, did he think she was blind to the fact he tricked Basil into thinking that Japan was still in the feudal era? He sounded like someone trying to speak Shakespearean English in modern day London, for god's sake!

"Voi. You had better have a damn good reason trying to mess with the kid," said Squalo.

If Lal hadn't known the Varia officers were fond of Tsuna, that would have tipped her off.

"I want to work out a deal with you. We both know the kid is vulnerable working solo as he has been, especially considering what his job is. And quite frankly Iemitsu can sit on it and spin if he thinks I'm going to let his idiocy continue with his so-called apprentice. That man couldn't raise a cactus, much less children," said Lal flatly.

"So what do you have in mind?" asked Viper evenly.

"A long term bodyguard. Officially he'll be protecting Tsuna under the guise of an employee. Unofficially according to our records he'll be an external spy on you lot whenever the kid cleans the castle. All reports will go to me and as long as I don't see any of the same shit that could lead to another fake coup, I'll burn them before they reach Iemitsu," said Lal.

"Voi. What makes you think we'd agree to that?"

"Let me put it this way... would you rather have that idiot send_ more_ people to try and infiltrate your place, or have a spy that you damn well know is there?" she shot back.

"...Throw in something that would allow Tsuna to complete his education and we might have a deal," said Viper.

"What?" said Lal surprised.

"The boy dropped out of middle school because he was tired of the nonexistent support in his life, and became a cleaner by accident. His expense reports are _atrocious_ and perhaps if he continued his education he might learn to do his own books. He's far too reliant on his current helper for my taste," said Viper flatly. "There's no telling when the bomber brat will leave and force Tsuna to perform a mockery of balancing his books all over again."

Viper wouldn't admit it, but they were fond of the kid. He was _nothing_ like his useless father.

He at least knew what he was capable of and wasn't afraid to ask for help. And he kept better track of his receipts than most idiots they had to deal with. It was almost relaxing doing the kid's books, especially since he gave them a discount which meant they _saved_ money while he did a lot of work for them.

"Voi. So who are you planning to saddle us with?"

Lal handed over the obviously redacted file on Basil. It didn't give anything too risky away. Just his age, Flame type and a few bits about his education like the fact he spoke fluent Japanese... however it was very dated and he had some odd ideas of the current culture.

"Barely acceptable."

"The kid is a good enough fighter, but it's painful to watch him around Iemitsu because he's almost completely clueless. And quite frankly considering the kid is thriving in Italy and has managed to worm him way into your good side, I'd rather have a known factor that I can predict rather than whatever idiotic plan that fool would come up with to drag the poor kid back to Japan. Knowing him, if and when he finds out his son is here working as a cleaner he would come up with some convoluted idiotic idea to drag his son back just to keep up the rather poor ruse of a 'happy civilian family', despite the fact he has almost never gone to visit them even when he does go on vacation," said Lal bluntly. "It pisses me off that he's stringing his poor 'wife' along and goes on and on about a son that he doesn't even give a damn about in reality."

The two Varia looked at her.

"You're doing this to get one over on the jackass and keep the kid safe, since Iemitsu's bloodline," said Squalo after a moment.

"I'm doing what I can to protect someone who's been screwed over by that idiot one too many times and only needs a minor bit of protection. Anyone who can handle your brand of insanity long enough to clean up a few dead bodies and doesn't run away screaming has a chance to survive on this side of the world," said Lal flatly.

Squalo and Viper snorted in agreement.

Tsuna was surprisingly adaptable for someone who had come out of a straight civilian background.

Still, once Viper did a proper background check on 'Basil', those who knew _exactly_ who Tsuna's father was agreed that allowing a known spy to act as his bodyguard was an acceptable compromise. The kid was dumb enough to fall for Iemitsu's bullshit, which meant he might be easy enough to dupe and hide anything important from the idiot in the event Lal couldn't burn the reports fast enough.

Just window dressing to keep Iemitsu from pissing them off further as well as keep the kid safe.

The bomber was too much of a wild card to be considered a reliable bodyguard. Especially since there was no telling if he could be trustworthy enough to let in on the fact his "boss" was the son of the idiot who ran CEDEF.

Hayato Gokudera was well known for wanting an in to the bigger families, and there was no bigger family around than the Vongola.

Better to keep him in the dark until his loyalty could be verified beyond a shadow of a doubt.

"So just to be clear I'm getting a _free_ employee slash bodyguard and a new top of the line laptop so I can actually complete my education... why?" asked Tsuna suspiciously. This sounded way too good to be true and he hadn't survived as a cleaner as long as he had without taking precautions.

Case in point, the loaded gun in his truck in case the zombie apocalypse started with him as the first victim. Some might find his paranoia a bit ridiculous (case in point Belphegor who was the chief cause of why Tsuna was now paranoid of zombies), but he'd rather be safe than sorry. Even if it had meant a hellish two weeks of training with the Varia learning how to shoot the gun and how to maintain it.

He found taking it apart and putting it together strangely relaxing, like a weird puzzle. Even if the gun was only ever fired on the Varia test ranges to prove he was still capable of hitting the broad side of a barn every time he cleaned the place.

He was a small teenager with little to no time for any training in something like martial arts, and next to no way of defending himself. Even if he disliked guns because of the cultural bias against them (he was raised Japanese after all), he was above all a pragmatic kid and therefor capable of ignoring that distaste if it meant keeping himself safe.

Besides...it was either that or a knife, and he was still terrified of the 'training' he had undergone with Belphegor as the 'teacher' when it came to learning how to hold one properly. He kept it in his boot, hidden in his pants, since no one would expect someone as 'innocent' as him to even carry a concealed weapon. He sometimes wondered if Belphegor even knew he had swiped a few of the knives he left laying around for protection.

Probably not. The Prince had hundreds of the damn things and had yet to skewer him for it.

"The other 'independent' group with the famiglia we serve hates us and keeps sending morons to try and find 'evidence' of us up to no good. We came up with a compromise with one of the few people keeping them from imploding in order to keep them out for a while," said Squalo flatly.

"Uh-huh. What's the real reason?" asked Tsuna.

"You know how we keep giving you odd looks after that blood test?" asked Lussuria carefully.

"Hard to miss. I almost walked on eggshells for the entire time I was cleaning the place until you apparently came to the decision not to turn me into yet another body to dispose of," said Tsuna deadpan.

"Voi, screw this. Your dad runs the other group that keeps sending morons to spy on us, and his subordinate found out you were here working as a cleaner and is doing damage control. The 'extra help' she's sending is mostly a compromise and is going to double as a bodyguard and a way to keep the jackass from trying to forcibly send you back to Japan when he finds out because he wants to keep pretending he has a big happy family despite only visiting once in a blue moon if that," said Squalo.

Tsuna stiffened at that.

"You mean to tell me that homeless jackass that shows up, makes a mess and the pretends he's all lovey-dovey with my mother and is never actually around is _here_?" he snarled.

"Homeless jackass?" repeated Lussuria amused.

"He dresses like a homeless drifter and drinks liquor like it's water, leaving bottles and cans all over the place. And when he's around Mama he puts on this nauseating scene of being in 'love-love' with her, bringing her hopes up only to crush them when he disappears after a week. I can't count the number of times I've heard her crying at night because he's never around and misses their anniversary and our birthdays," snarled Tsuna with vehemence. "As far as I'm concerned my _father_ died when I was born and the bastard who makes my mother cry is a damn impostor who should die in the most painful way imaginable. And that his corpse should be desecrated in a way that his ghost would never be able to rest in peace from the shame of it all."

Seeing the rather bloodthirsty grin on Squalo and the dark gleam in Lussuria's eyes, it was clear _that_ sentiment was mutual when it came to Tsuna's father.

"Voi, I knew I liked you brat," said Squalo with dark approval.

Anyone who hated Iemitsu that much enough to do more than just spit on his corpse was gold in their books.

"So just to be clear I don't have to actually _pay_ the guy and I get laptop that I can do spreadsheets on so long as I put up with him being around me," said Tsuna darkly. "Explain to me why I'm not filling up that bastard's office with corpses after breaking the A/C and cranking up the heat?"

Squalo let out a dark laugh at that. He loved this kid, he really did.

"Because then the idiot would look into who did it and find out you're here, darling~!" said Lussuria, trying not to laugh as hard as Squalo was at the moment.

Because really, that sort of 'prank' was right up the Varia's alley and would take _months_ to properly clean up after...if they didn't ditch the building entirely from the smell alone and have to get a new one. Plus explaining to the Vongola why they had so many dead bodies that smelled to high heaven being removed from their HQ...on second thought...

"How much would you charge to actually go through with that, and what would you need?" asked Squalo.

"I would need full-body hazmat suits that conceal my features, mooks that can actually stand to move the corpses and possibly borrow Mammon to hide what we were actually doing. Then I'd need someone who can blow the A/C and rig the heat to be cranked up to full blast overnight," mused Tsuna. It sounded like a _lot_ of fun and something he'd proudly pull off if only so he could say he had been behind it.

Best of all there wasn't any actual _crime_ against stuffing a building full of corpses that were rotting and made the building completely uninhabitable.

Lussuria's eyes gleamed.

"You know if we did a few alterations it's doubtful that idiot would even recognize you," said Lussuria.

"You mean dye my hair or something?" Tsuna perked up.

A way to completely distance himself from the "Dame-Tsuna" image that had haunted him for years? Where did he sign up?

Lussuria chuckled.

"Sounds like someone is interested in a proper make-over!"

"Not having that stupid nickname follow me if I ever went back home to visit Mama would be nice," said Tsuna.

"Just leave that to me darling," said Lussuria grinning. "At the very least you'll get a new wardrobe...the one you have is positively atrocious."

Not to mention he was starting to outgrow it. Tsuna was such a small thing when they first met him, but hauling around corpses and his equipment had caused the boy to start filling out properly. His clothes were in dire need of replacement, as some were simply too small for his frame anymore. Or were becoming too worn.

"Voi. I would seriously pay you to put corpses in their HQ...and if possible help with a bit of stealing," said Squalo grinning.

"Steal what? I already rob corpses," said Tsuna.

Seeing the looks they were giving him, he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I steal all their cash and anything that looks mildly interesting. I sort of have a collection of rings too. I have no idea why so many people like to wear such elaborate jewelry..."

Squalo and Lussuria stared at him, before Lussuria took out something from his bag.

"These rings...do they look anything like this?" he asked carefully.

"Some of them do. I have at least twenty or thirty of ones like that and a few I keep for my special collection."

"Voi. Kid if you let us have a look at the ones you'd be willing to part with, Mammon might actually _buy_ a few of them off you for a good price," said Squalo.

Because the idea that Tsuna had been collecting Flame-aligned rings wasn't the least bit farfetched. The kid cleaned corpses and the sort of people who were aware of the significance of the rings in question would have disposed of the body themselves. Or at least taken the ring before Tsuna came in.

And Mammon would be more than happy to pay Tsuna for the good quality ones, because it would still be cheaper than having the things made and easier than tracking them down themselves.

"I can bring them over next week. I suppose Luss and I can get that make-over done while you guys pick whichever ones you want to buy," said Tsuna brightly.

Squalo looked very pleased to hear that. He could only hope the Boss would be more amused about corrupting the kid against his dad, than he would be about the fact they had a semi-close relationship with the spawn of Iemitsu.


	3. Chapter 3

Hayato was torn between awe at being in the Varia headquarters and wanting to run like hell in the opposite direction. You did_ not_ fuck with the Varia...they were known as 'Quality' for a reason.

Fortunately they liked Tsuna enough that he was mostly allowed to practice his aim with a hand gun and possibly pick up a weapon or two from the armory available for the lower level mooks. He was good with his explosives for the moment, but guns of decent quality were harder to come by and even more expensive.

_With Tsuna and the Varia Elite..._

"You've been collecting these without knowing what they were?!" said Mammon incredulous.

There had to be at _least_ thirty-five Flame-aligned rings, some of high enough quality that they would have only been passed down to someone of _very_ high rank within a famiglia. Something that would cost a fortune to replace.

"Why would I? It's not like there's anything that explicitly states in the standard contract that I'm not allowed to loot the bodies. They usually look the other way when they find out that I've pretty much robbed the wallet of any available cash once someone collects the corpse where I've left it. No one ever asks me about any jewelry the dead were wearing," shrugged Tsuna.

Mammon wasn't the only one staring at him in disbelief.

"...You do realize that selling even a few of these on the street would net you enough money to more than quadruple your yearly earnings, right?" said Mammon slowly.

"And if anyone knew I was stealing more than just _cash_ from the corpses, then I would find myself with a much smaller pool of people willing to hire me, once they found out where the rings came from," said Tsuna flatly. "I collected them because they were interesting, not because I wanted to sell them on the black market."

"Voi, good point," said Squalo. "Do you have any others?"

"These are just the ones I'm okay with selling. I have others but I have the feeling selling them would be worth more trouble than anything you could pay me," admitted Tsuna.

Squalo patted him on the head with approval. It sounded like Tsuna had managed to get his hands on some really rare ones. The kind that famiglia would _kill_ to retrieve. The fact he knew better than to try and sell them spoke volumes of his common sense.

"If you have rings that are higher quality than this or have crests on them, then you had better keep them hidden. At least until you need a favor from the famiglia that the crest belongs too. That's the sort of leverage you'd need in case things really go tits up and you need protection," said Squalo.

"Mou. I'll give you a list of established famiglias so you can find out which crest belongs to who in the event you have to trade the rings back," said Mammon. "Now about these rings."

"Pick the ones you want while I'm out with Sorella and then we can talk price," said Tsuna flatly. "Just remember I'm giving you first dibs on buying them since I had no idea they were valuable outside of being mere trinkets and because we have an established business relationship."

Mammon knew they liked this kid.

Tsuna came back a few hours later almost unrecognizable, and looking completely exhausted. Sorella power shopped like no ones business, but on the plus side he had clothes that actually _fit_ again and looked good on him.

He had his hair bleached so he could dye it different colors later... and unknowingly made his resemblance to Vongola Primo that much more obvious.

Needless to say Lussuria was going to enjoy the WTF looks of the Vongola main family the second they realized a mini Primo clone was wandering around Italy cleaning up corpses, robbing them and _wasn't_ trying to join their famiglia because he liked his job to an extent and was more interested in _not_ getting roped into the sort of politics the Vongola thrived in.

There was also the amusement factor of them finding out he had been there for a few years and was actually Iemitsu's son.

So yeah, the Varia were going to enjoy that chaos with popcorn while the Vongola main family and CEDEF tried to put out the fires _of_ that revelation.

Boss would have gotten a kick out of it, if he were free.

"Mou... I have selected the rings worth buying from you, and these can be sold to apprentice ring-smiths to reforge into better quality work, unless you feel like keeping them," said Mammon. "Of course I could throw in some lessons on how to activate and possibly use your Flames, if you were willing to go a bit lower on the price or hand over the lesser rings for me to sell off."

Tsuna gave Mammon a Look.

"Would activating my Flames result in the various famiglia being even _more_ annoying about trying to 'recruit' me?" he asked flatly.

"Depending on the type it's a distinct possibility. And you wouldn't be able to return to a strictly civilian life unless you were extra cautious about hiding it. However you've already overcome the first hurdle because you're known in the mafia, so the odds of the Vindice coming after you for breaking Omerta or forcing you to be something else drop significantly."

"Let me think about it. I mean if I did this and it turned out I had some rare Flame or something, it would just make my job that much more difficult because of the stereotyping nonsense the Vongola has put on the roles according to what Flame type you have."

"Mou... at least you have something resembling logic and common sense, unlike that jackass," said Mammon. "How about this... if you do decided to learn how to awaken and use your Flames, I'll see about getting into contact with your grandmother on your father's side."

Tsuna stared at Mammon.

"My grandmother is _alive_?!" he said in shock.

"Alive and part of the Alliance. Iemitsu is only considered a Vongola because he's a Sky that's descended to the Primo's second marriage. The ninth made him head of CEDEF to avoid succession issues for his own son."

"Mammon, I'll hand over the rings you want to sell off if you can get me in contact with my grandmother. The main reason I _left_ Japan was because I had nonexistent support from my mother and from the adults around me," said Tsuna.

His mind had started to go dark places from which he couldn't return from. It was either let that town continue to crush his spirit, or leave.

And really, once he got over the culture shock and realization that he was on his own, he had _thrived_. Italy had been the best thing for him, even if he often wished he had picked a different line of work.

But the idea of having a real, supportive family that cared and that you could fall back on at the end of the day?

He'd drop his job in a heartbeat if he could experience even a fraction of that, considering the mockery he had been dealt his entire life.

"So... you'll accept the current price I'm offering _and_ throw in the ones that I'd just sell off in exchange for a chance to meet your grandmother," said Mammon.

"I'd be willing to sign a contract to that effect if the woman asks why _you're_ the one contacting her and not that jackass," said Tsuna bluntly.

Mammon promptly went to their desk and began drafting up a contract.

"Is the price I named for the ones I want to buy off of you acceptable? As well as an agreement to have first 'dibs' the next time you have more than ten available of decent quality?"

"Show me how to spot decent quality ones and I don't mind. Just know I'll keep the obviously high quality ones that look more trouble than they're worth to myself," said Tsuna promptly.

"Acceptable," said Mammon.

"As for the price, it looks fine to me. I had no idea they were valuable to begin with after all," said Tsuna. It was more than he had made since he first started acting as a cleaner, and would easily keep his business going even if he had a slow day which was all he really cared about.

"Examine and sign if this is to your satisfaction," said Mammon, handing over a contract written in Italian.

Tsuna read it thoroughly...there was a measure of trust between him and Mammon, but only an idiot would sign something that the infamous Miser had written up personally and not expect to get bit, regardless of any history between them.

It was fairly straightforward with no hidden surprises. Somehow he had the feeling that was more due to the fact that they would be pissing off the Jackass than any favor to him. He was fine with that.

(There was also the not-so-small fact that if Tsuna were part of another famiglia, then he would be out of the running for Decimo if it turned out he had Sky flames. Viper was nothing if not calculating, and it was better to have the kid they liked out of the way without having to kill him later.)

* * *

To say that the wife of the former don of the Speranza famiglia was surprised to be discreetly kidnapped by the Varia of all people would be an understatement.

"May I ask what exactly I have done to earn a visit from _you_ of all people?" she asked the current Sword Emperor.

"Mou. The fact is that there's someone who is very interested in meeting you and this was the best way to insure that it's not disturbed by idiots," said the Mist Arcobaleno. Their pacifier was clearly visible.

"And who could possibly afford to pay the Varia Elite to kidnap me?" she asked evenly. If they wanted her dead, she would be.

Mammon floated over a pair of files.

"The top one is your son," they said by way of explanation.

It was clearly a DNA profile. Curious, she examined the first without much interest...until she compared it to the second file. There was a partial match, enough to indicate that the second was a _very_ close relative to the first. Enough that Iemitsu would have to be directly related to them, and not as a cousin.

"I have a grandchild?" she said sharply.

"His name is Tsuna and he's almost sixteen and a half now. He was quite surprised to find out you were not only alive, but in Italy," said Mammon bluntly.

"Are you telling me that foolish son of mine has a child and didn't tell me?!" she said incensed.

"A son and a wife that he never sees. The woman would be better off with a divorce, but he's been stringing her along almost their entire marriage. And I have proof he's been cheating on her with frequency, leaving her alone to raise a child she barely pays attention to," said Mammon bluntly.

And if this meant Iemitsu was going to get one _hell_ of an earful the next time he called his mother, well they would enjoy every minute of his suffering.

Irene was very angry with her son at the moment.

"May I ask exactly _how_ my grandson was able to even contact you?"

"Voi, the kid's a cleaner. Comes in once or twice a year to help do a bit of spring cleaning of the castle and clean Lussuria's rooms," said Squalo.

Irene's eye twitched.

"And I can only assume the rumors of the Sun Officer's habits are..."

"More or less true," said Mammon. "The boy is one of the better cleaners it the underworld."

Seeing the twitch in the older woman's face was pretty damn entertaining, if only because the second she came within range of Tsuna's aura she would almost certainly give Iemitsu _hell_ for being such a shitty parent.

The Varia Elite were rather fond of the kid, so it was just bonus that this would make Iemitsu's life harder once word got out.

Seeing the way Irene practically hugged the kid to death upon meeting her fifteen year old grandson was rather satisfying. The fact she was almost apoplectic in fury at hearing exactly how badly Iemitsu had failed as a father (to say NOTHING of the fact that he hadn't even told his own mother that he had gotten married or had a son in the first place) more so.

Tsuna honestly didn't know how to act with the knowledge he had not only a grandmother, but an aunt and uncle, all of whom were rather pissed at Iemitsu for not mentioning he had married and had a son.

On the plus side, he was finally going to get a proper vacation since he had been too busy working to actually _enjoy_ Italy. It was kinda hard to appreciate the culture and the country when you were exhausted beyond belief hauling around dead people.

* * *

"_Be careful with that, idiot! Do you want to it to splatter all over the floor?"_ hissed Tsuna.

They were currently hauling several dead bodies (some of which were happily 'volunteered' from Lussuria's personal collection) into CEDEF headquarters. It was the weekend and a major holiday, which meant there was only a skeleton crew at the moment. Even Lal was off on a small vacation, which made this child's play.

Tsuna, Mammon, Squalo, and a decent number of mooks were filling the place with dead bodies, some of them from previous dumps where Tsuna had been ordered to leave "no trace" of the dead body behind to find.

Which usually meant he gave them a discreet burial without any gravestone in an isolated spot in the woods that would be hard to see. Considering he had only been at this for two years, they were nice and _juicy_, so to speak. It said far too much about how desensitized to the sight of rotting corpses that Tsuna had gotten straight to work once the mook squad dug them up and they began to haul it inside.

The worst of the lot were being happily dumped in Iemitsu's personal office. Considering Viper semi-liked Lal, she got off light with a recently killed corpse that was easy to get rid of and the window left open.

Though that didn't stop them from messing with her by dressing it up much in the same way Lal herself would have, just for kicks.

While they were arranging the dead and decaying bodies around the place, Squalo was cheerfully robbing it. He was particularly pleased to find Xanxus' guns, which Iemitsu had confiscated, the prick.

And if Mammon made copies of anything that looked even remotely interesting as part of their payment, Tsuna said nothing.

It took them six hours, but eventually they filled the place with dead people. And then destroyed the air conditioning while cranking up the heat. The few people even in the office were given false memories and sent off, after making up a plausible reason for why they left the headquarters empty.

To say Lal was _pissed_ upon discovering the prank was an understatement.

The fact they never did fully identify the culprits, since all those involved came up with air tight alibis (created by Mammon using Mist illusions) to cover their tracks, made her even more furious.

On an unrelated note, CEDEF would be able to finish moving to their 'new' headquarters within a few months, as the new building they had commissioned was deemed a health hazard, and their old one was currently occupied by the Varia.

Squalo hadn't laughed that hard in years.

(Neither would Xanxus, when given the full story with photos.)


	4. Chapter 4

Reborn took _one_ look at the photo, before looking at Timoteo incredulous.

"Are you joking? You want me to turn _him_ into a mafia boss?" he said in disbelief.

"Is there a problem?"

"You mean outside the fact that he's the personal cleaner of the Varia and is already part of the Speranza famiglia? Or the fact that the kid had made it very clear he wants nothing to do with the Vongola when someone noticed the fact he looked way too much like the Primo to be a coincidence?"

Timoteo sat up and gave Reborn his full attention.

"What."

"Tsunayoshi Speranza, the third heir of the Speranza famiglia and a part time cleaner. Grandson of the former don, and is currently playing catch up since he ditched his civilian education when he was fourteen to come to Italy. Knows all the Varia Elite personally and only goes to the parties under extreme protest."

Timoteo twitched.

"What?!"

"You really don't pay proper attention to your heirs, do you? The kid's been in Italy for going on three years now and has some rather impressive underworld contacts, for a former civilian," said Reborn with grudging respect. "Also has a hell of a twisted streak and finds it funny to leave his 'cargo' on the lawns of anyone stupid enough to stiff him on a cleaning bill in creative and often horrifying positions. He's so desensitized to dead bodies he doesn't even notice it anymore."

"How do you know all this?"

"Kid has a book of his work. Once you get over the horror of how he desecrated the dead it's actually rather amusing," admitted Reborn. "That plus I have a sneaking suspicion he was party to the... incident...that left CEDEF headquarters completely uninhabitable."

Timoteo twitched at the reminder. While the prank had been relatively harmless, the amount of money lost because of it wasn't something they could dismiss so easily. It was a brand new building, barely two or three years old and yet they had to demolish it because of the smell alone. It was going to cost quite a bit to rebuild the place and until then CEDEF had to work out of the external bases because the Varia had already bought up the original building two months before and no one noticed until it was too late. It was already remodeled into a private training base, making reclaiming it nearly impossible considering the animosity Squalo had towards Iemitsu.

Needless to say Reborn would have very much enjoyed tipping his hat to whoever pulled that one off. The chaos he got to enjoy from watching Lal tear out her hair in frustration was very amusing indeed.

"You said Tsunayoshi was with the Speranza famiglia, correct?" asked Timoteo sharply.

"He's affiliated with them," corrected Reborn. "The boy has made it abundantly clear that he is strictly neutral in order to avoid losing the contacts he has made. He doesn't actually live on the estates, but he does move around in controlled apartments with his partner Hayato Gokudera."

Hayato had decided to become Tsuna's permanent partner upon learning exactly how much of a giant "Fuck You" it was to his father and his family name. The man was positively _furious_ about it, but since his son and heir was under the protection of the Speranza _and_ the Varia there wasn't anything he could do about it. Being a cleaner wasn't a glamorous or dignified enough job for an heir.

A hit man was acceptable, even encouraged. But cleaners were barely tolerated, much like a coroner at a fancy dinner party.

Hayato loved it. He really loved the fact that his partner didn't hold the fact he was a bastard against him, and that Tsuna genuinely cared.

Yeah, it wasn't something that would get his name known by the big fish like the Vongola and it was hard, back-breaking work... but the friendship he had with Tsuna more than made up for it and his friend turned a blind eye to the fact he still went on contract hits.

That was becoming less frequent though...like Tsuna, Hayato was developing an aversion to "creating more work".

(It said a lot about being a cleaner that a borderline hit man like Hayato took one look at the dead body he created and then realized he was only creating more hard work for himself...it was too much trouble to completely vaporize a body to the point that he wouldn't have to clean up after himself and not expect to get caught after.)

Timoteo had a_ very_ entertaining pained look on his face, in Reborn's opinion.

"If you can convince the kid to rejoin the Vongola, I'll consider teaching him to be the next Decimo," said Reborn, enjoying the Ninth's new headache far too much. "Until then I'm on vacation."

The World's Greatest Hit Man left and felt the distinct urge to cackle at the chaos he left in his wake. This was entirely too amusing and he knew it wasn't entirely over yet.

He was sure Viper would be very interested to hear this tidbit, if only because he had found out by accident the source of all the new flame rings the Varia had gotten in the past year. It wasn't a big secret that they had apparently found a cache of rings, or that their operatives were displaying more competence in their Flames.

Tsuna was a smart kid, keeping the rings even if he had no idea what they were at first. And according to Viper there was a very high chance that the teen had even rarer rings in his 'collection' that he was sitting on like anyone with sense would.

It still surprised him that no one else had caught on to the missing rings. Then again most would automatically assume that the ones doing the killing would take the rings, not the guy disposing of the body. That plus Tsuna looked like a naive, innocent kid who would have handed over said rings to the families if he had them.

* * *

"You have _got_ to be joking," said Tsuna flatly, not impressed at the least.

They had wisely kept Hayato out of the loop on this, along with Basil who was _finally_ being broken of the obvious brainwashing Iemitsu had put the kid through. At least he didn't use such archaic Japanese anymore.

Hayato's opinion would have been very obvious, since he was only now starting to realize he might never get his dream of being a right hand of an important Family.

"I'm afraid not. The Ninth wants to make you the next heir since all his sons are either dead or are ineligible for reasons he refuses to elaborate on," said his grandmother. She was clearly not happy with him for multiple reasons. "Never mind the fact that if you hadn't come to Italy, he would be placing a civilian from an abusive situation in control of one of the more bloody famiglias with the sharks all too willing to rip the next head of the family to shreds at the first sign of weakness."

Never mind Reborn's known methods of tutoring... he was a good hit man and a passable tutor. But Dino had an actual support system growing up and was in denial. Tsuna would have needed far more work than he would have been capable of considering he was notorious for being impatient in his training methods. There was also the fact that as a freelancer, he wouldn't know most of the traditions and other important little details.

He would have likely shoved the strongest Elements in the area on Tsuna and claimed they were his Guardians, never really caring if they harmonized or not. It was ridiculous.

The entire family was _still_ pissed Iemitsu had apparently ordered his son's Sky sealed without even once trying to train him or monitoring the situation to insure his son was adjusting to it properly.

So much so the man was persona non grata with the famiglia and struck from their records as one of them.

Hayato seemed to be drifting towards Tsuna as his Storm, and even Basil was starting to show signs of falling into his Sky. Irene and the others were content to let Tsuna collect his Elements naturally, considering he was still a cleaner. If someone could handle _that _aspect of mafia life, then odds were they wouldn't hesitate to protect Tsuna with their lives.

"And what about Reborn?" asked Tsuna seriously. Even _he_ knew about the World's Greatest Hit Man, if only by association with Viper.

"If you want I could arrange a counteroffer to what the Ninth Vongola was offering. You could use with a tutor dear," said Irene smiling.

Tsuna winced.

"I'm not blaming you for dropping out. If anything you did the right thing, considering how deplorable the conditions were for you there. However a little help with your grades wouldn't go amiss and if you ever want to take over for your uncle Tino then you would need to have your high school degree at least."

That soothed any worries that his nonna was ashamed of him for dropping out at the tender age of twelve and a half. She had been beyond furious when he showed her the site he had stumbled on by accident to see how things were going back in Namimori.

Finding out that the general consensus was that he had gone and committed suicide and that his body was never found had come as a soul-crushing blow. It had also solidified his desire to _never_ return to Namimori until he could make a name for himself beyond that of Dame-Tsuna.

Irene had been far more angry on his behalf than his mother would have upon reading the 'comments' section. If the town wasn't under the protection of the Vongola because it was where the Primo had settled when he retired, the entire famiglia would have happily ruined the lives of every single child that lived there for their callous and cruel remarks towards Tsuna.

As it was there was only a few people who had even tried to make token protests against the remarks. People Irene wished would have spoken up that much sooner, if only so her grandson would have had friends before he left.

* * *

If Reborn was surprised when the don of the Speranza famiglia personally called him to see if he was available as a _general_ tutor for their youngest heir, he didn't show it.

He seemed more amused than anything.

"So just to be clear you want to send yet another 'screw you' message to the Vongola main family for not even bothering to keep track of their heirs properly, is that it?"

"If they want to convince _my_ nephew to clean up _their_ mess then I want them to damn well pay through the nose for it," said Valentino "Tino" Speranza.

"I could agree to it on one condition," said Reborn, smirking darkly.

"And what's that?"

"I want to know if he really was in on the Incident that left CEDEF headquarters uninhabitable until it's been rebuilt."

Tino smirked.

"Do you want a general answer or details as to why it was done?"

"Details, leave nothing out," said Reborn eagerly.

"I'll bring Tsuna in. Needless to say when we heard _why_ it was done we agreed that not even the old school mafioso would argue that it was a very valid revenge prank on that idiot."

Tsuna was still petite, but he had definitely filled out with regular food and all the hard work he got from hauling around the dead. He was still blondish, but some of his roots were starting to show a bit. He was seriously thinking of having it fixed.

"You're Reborn, the World's Greatest Hit Man. Why are you here?" he asked confused.

Reborn inwardly preened at the fact the kid immediately went to "world's greatest hit man" and not "Sun Arcobaleno". It was something of a pet peeve that all his accomplishments got shoved behind a pacifier and a shrunken body.

"I'm considering hiring him as your personal tutor until your grades either go up or you managed to graduate," said Tino.

"Wait, nonna was _serious_ about that?!"

"Before I consider accepting I want to clarify something."

Tsuna had the audacity to roll his eyes.

"You want to know the reason behind the Corpse Incident," he said flatly. Reborn didn't bother to deny it. "The short and simple answer is because he made my mother cry."

"You caused all that havoc and damage because Iemitsu made your mother cry?" said Reborn.

"I wouldn't have been so mad if it were an isolated thing. But I can't even begin to count the number of times I've heard my mother crying at night because her _husband_ wasn't there. It always got worse when the neighbors talked about the fact her husband wasn't around, and how it was far too possible she had me from a one-night stand and that the man who showed up claiming to be him was just someone she hired whenever she had the money for it. The only reason they didn't say it outright was because Mama was able to produce a wedding certificate or point the gossiping idiots to where they could find it themselves. And it didn't help that I was a complete social outcast since I was five."

Tsuna's face turned completely bitter.

"Not only was I isolated socially, but everyone from the students, to the parents and even the teachers went out of their way to harass and belittle me any chance they had. It was to the point I very nearly contemplated suicide multiple times and my mother had almost completely given up on me. She would openly tell me that she didn't care if I didn't make it to high school or even to college, just that I at least _tried_ to enjoy my life without once encouraging me to be better than I was. All the while she was hiding the pain she was in because that jackass didn't care enough to remind her that he still loved her. I can't even recall a single instance where he bothered to even remember her birthday or even their anniversary. She clung to his visits like a life line, but whenever he left I could tell she was openly miserable and it killed me watching her whittle away every year."

Reborn was silent. He was starting to understand why Tsuna had such great animosity to his "father". The small hurts that Iemitsu caused his son he could forgive...however the pain he put Tsuna's mother through was something that made him positively murderous. And considering the emphasis the mafia put on respecting one's mother, odds were that even the older, more hardened mafioso who though of Flames as a 'cheap trick' would have approved of Tsuna's revenge on his 'father'. Especially since Iemitsu _clearly_ brought that one on himself.

"I have to ask, where exactly did you find such...juicy...corpses?"

"Previous jobs. Sometimes the clients ask me to make the body 'disappear' like Jimmy Hoffa with no evidence linking them to the crime. We just dug them back up and shoved them wherever... Squalo got way too much fun out of that, especially since he got to throw the mooks who couldn't stomach the worst of it into retraining for a month because they threw up one too many times," said Tsuna with particular glee. "Mammon was practically cackling and waved off the fee for helping to hide what we were doing even though everyone was in full hazmat gear because none of us cared about them pretty much robbing CEDEF of anything remotely interesting or secret."

The only reason Squalo didn't steal the half-rings while they were there was because it was simply too high profile. The second word got out that they were missing they would become too hot to keep.

"Aren't you worried that those clients would come after you for digging them up?" asked Reborn. But you could tell he was openly amused.

"Considering what we did with them, I'd place money on them being more amused than anything. I mean how often can you claim that a guy you had offed was used in a prank against the Vongola? Besides, I'm pretty sure Lal Mirch had all the evidence disposed of in a fit of rage...and we let her off light with a relatively fresh corpse that wouldn't stink her office up too bad," said Tsuna darkly amused.

Reborn smirked at that. He had a point...if any of his previous hits had been used as a prank against someone that powerful he would have laughed, rather than been annoyed that the body was still around.

"Personally we all got a good, long laugh upon hearing exactly how much damage we did to the place on top of the fact Mammon discreetly bought their old headquarters prior to the prank and had it renovated so they couldn't use it anyway. It's their own damn fault for being so complacent and letting their original place go simply because they had a shiny new building."

Reborn was openly grinning now.

"I think I like your style. I suppose I could get his grades up to snuff until he graduates at least high school," announced Reborn.

The kid had one hell of a twisted sense of humor, but considering his job it was to be expected. Besides, this looked like it would be entertaining.


	5. Chapter 5

Lal wondered if this was an apology from whatever hated her enough to have her office filled with a relatively fresh corpse a few months back. Or just being cursed in general.

Because right now she was enjoying seeing that imbecile she called a boss being given the riot act from the Ninth Vongola don about not keeping better track of his son, because they might very well lose the Vongola since the boy had joined another famiglia instead.

As an heir to a very important famiglia, the Vongola couldn't very well hijack the boy's life and trick him into becoming Decimo like they could a civilian.

Oh no, now Timoteo had to arrange all sorts of meetings in order to free up Tsunayoshi as a potential heir on top of explaining to his allies exactly why the child had left their care in the first place when he was _supposed_ to be a civilian. And if that wasn't enough, the kid was a freaking cleaner.

Not exactly _boss_ material, considering he had a three-man operation at the moment.

Which was why the moment he was done tearing Iemitsu a new one, he turned to Lal.

"May I ask why you have Iemitsu's apprentice working with young Tsunayoshi?" asked Timoteo. He was clearly pissed.

"Damage control. The kid's job made him safe enough while keeping him in the mafia, but the second I realized who he was I arranged protection and made an agreement with the Varia so they didn't make a snit about it. They knew long before we did who his father was and made sure he didn't end up dead because he couldn't get enough work and they gave him weapon's training and medical care to boot according to the file I have. They're rather fond of the kid," said Lal immediately.

"May I ask how they found out?"

"Sun officer took a blood test to make sure he wasn't carrying anything from his job, decided to run a DNA comparison to the known profiles on the medical servers and got a hit. You can imagine their surprise finding out he was Iemitsu's son. Since he was technically Vongola and Iemitsu clearly had no idea his kid was in Italy, they discreetly took care of him while giving him work," said Lal. "They only agreed to let Basil act as his bodyguard since he would be a known agent and I could quit sending our better infiltrators to a near death sentence from pissed off assassins."

Timoteo was _not_ happy, but at least someone was proving competent in the matter.

"Besides, according to the report I got Basil is starting to join Tsuna's Sky, which means he'd have a semi-competent Rain under his control," continued Lal. "And the Storm kid he picked up is starting to calm down a bit and would prove loyal once he gets his head on straight."

Well that was something at least, but didn't help the headache he had concerning the fact he would have to _barter_ in order to free up his only potential heir.

And considering the reports he found there was no chance in hell the boy would even remotely agree to return to Namimori for the relative protection it provided.

Reborn was torn between being somewhat disgusted and cackling. It was a fifty-fifty bet which reaction would win out.

Fortunately his new student's family made him take a mandatory vacation once a month, which was scheduled after this last job.

He had no idea how much effort it took to shut up the cops without having to _bribe_ them, much less clean up after one of his hits.

"I can understand why Basil sticks around, but not you. I thought you were trying to be a hit man before," said Reborn.

Hayato grimaced at the reminder.

"Yeah, I thought hit man was the way to go, except when you're a complete rookie it's damn near impossible to get the really good hits that pay the bills. Especially when you specialize in bombs like I do... at least with Tsuna I get a steady paycheck, I eat regularly and the boss isn't a complete dick who could just as easily betray me rather than give me the money they owe," said Hayato. Then he grinned viciously. "Besides, this job alone is Bianchi-repellent and that is more than enough for me to keep doing it regardless of how back-breaking it is."

Bianchi couldn't _stand_ the idea of being near a cleaner. After a certain point you just start smelling like something dead and rotting, though by that time most cleaners learned to tune it out entirely.

The first and so far _only_ time Bianchi tried to drag him home, she had backed off immediately with a disgusted look on her face that said volumes of how much she did _not_ want to go near her brother at the moment. To be fair, he had just finished a job with Tsuna and was heading in to take a shower.

To say he was very happy at discovering this fact was an understatement.

Reborn snorted at that. Bianchi could be a bit...obsessive.

"So what fresh hell have you decided to inflict on me this time?" asked Tsuna, finished up with the chemical bath.

"Get dressed up and try to cover the smell of death. I want to introduce you to my previous student."

"You try to cover up the smell of death. I think the only way to avoid it is to have your clothes away from your house...it usually takes a bit for people to notice you work around dead bodies a lot when you wear new ones," snarked Tsuna.

A fact his grandmother had found out the hard way. Though his uncle Tino found it hilarious, seeing the looks on people's faces when they found out they let one of their heirs work such a 'dull' job as a cleaner when he was a Sky and therefor supposed to be a 'leader'.

The Speranza family were more than happy to spit on the stereotypes that the Vongola had been pushing since the Primo started their family concerning Flame types.

Yes, Tsuna was a Sky but that didn't mean he liked to lead others. His confidence had been almost totaled thanks to the bullying and lack of support, and he had next to no idea on how to lead others much less mediate between his Elements. Case in point, he was still learning through trial and error how to deal with Hayato's Tsundere attitude and short fuse.

* * *

Reborn had far too much amusement watching his former student sputter in disbelief upon hearing what his potential 'kid brother' did for a living. The look he gave Reborn was particularly amusing, as it gave him plenty of excuse to kick the blond around.

"I bet the Alliance is getting a kick out of this... a Primo clone going around as a cleaner..." said Dino in disbelief. He noticed Tsuna looking at his ring with an odd intent look. "Cool ring, huh?"

"Yeah it is, but I would _swear_ I've seen that particular crest before. I know it's going to bug me all night," said Tsuna.

By the end of the night, Tsuna and Dino had fallen into an easy camaraderie... it didn't hurt that Tsuna had next to no positive 'older brother' influence before now and Dino, while clumsy, had a good heart.

It was amusing to see Dino choke on a laugh when Tsuna told him of how he had pranked Reborn with a glass eye that looked entirely too real, even if his apartment now had several new bulletholes as a result. Seeing the world's greatest hit man spray his soup across the table had been hilarious...he had only switched to a less permanent retaliation when Tsuna admitted the eye in question hadn't been used.

(Mammon had paid him a hefty sum for that memory alone...and then got it back three times over selling it to the other Arcobaleno who laughed almost as hard as they did.)

However Tsuna didn't forget the crest Dino had on his ring. He _knew_ he had seen it before, more than once in fact.

Then it hit him. His special collection!

Looking at the calendar, Tsuna grinned.

"What are you planning?" demanded Reborn.

"I have the perfect Christmas gift for Dino. And best of all even you wouldn't say it's tacky or out of taste."

"...Does this have anything to do with your 'collection'?" asked Reborn.

"Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But either way I'm glad I paid Mammon for lessons on how to use Hammer Space to hide it."

The regular rings were no big loss if they were stolen, but his special collection on the other hand? That could do a lot of damage.

Reborn was curious in spite of himself. He had to wonder what exactly Tsuna had gotten his hands on while cleaning up after people like him.

_Christmas..._

Tsuna was glad he wasn't in the way of the coffee Dino had sprayed across the table when he opened up the gift Tsuna had gotten him.

His uncle Tino, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky.

"Alright brat, what the hell did you give him to cause that reaction?" demanded Tino.

Dino slowly poured out the contents of the deceptively small box. Deceptive, in that it wasn't some cheap trinket or boring item that could easily be dismissed after the holidays were over.

Oh no, what was inside that cheap cardboard box was three rings. All of which had the Cavallone crest on them and were clearly very high quality. The sort only given to bonded Guardians.

Dino looked at Tsuna in shocked disbelief.

"Where did you find the missing rings?" he asked in amazement. "We thought they were lost for good when that traitor stole them!"

He had feared having to replace them... Talbot was _expensive_ and it took at least a year to get even a consultation!

"I came across a dead body early in my career as a cleaner and he had these rings on him. They looked interesting and ironically enough are what started me on my collection. I only have four or five left from my special collection though, but I figured you might like to have these back," said Tsuna grinning.

Dino clutched at the Rain, Mist and Sun rings in his hand. He could finally give Romario the Guardian Ring he had rightfully earned, rather than have his right hand make due with a shoddy replacement.

"Best. Little. Brother. Ever," said Dino, hugging him tightly.

"You do realize that rings like those can come with heavy favors attached, right?" said Reborn, giving Tsuna an odd look.

Tsuna hooked a thumb at himself.

"Former civilian, remember? Besides, I'd rather have Dino as a big brother and a permanent ally than try to demand something for returning what belongs to him anyway."

"That reminds me... what did you do with that traitor's body anyway?" asked Dino.

"Pretty sure Squalo stuffed what was left of him in Iemitsu's personal vents. He was one of the more...ripe...ones when we pranked that jackass' headquarters."

Dino sprayed his coffee again. Tino was _not_ amused.

"That was _you_?"

"Me and a good number of mooks with Squalo taking far too much glee in the whole thing and Mammon robbing the place blind of anything remotely interesting," said Tsuna.

"Oh man, I so want details. I swear you could hear that Lal Mirch chick swearing from five cities away!"

"Try six," said Reborn smirking. He had been among the first to realize who was swearing, and then one of the fastest to call Viper for details on what was going on. He should have taken it as a sign when the Mist didn't charge him nearly as much for the information...that and the fact they were cackling in the background. "Who put that sign on the Lal lookalike that said 'Tsundere' by the way?"

"I left Lal's office to Mammon," said Tsuna promptly. "I mostly handled getting the majority of the more solid corpses into as many cubicles as possible while giving pot shots at the ones who kept throwing up in their hazmat suits because they couldn't handle a few dead bodies. Squalo had a field day making those poor bastards clean up after themselves...both inside _and_ out."

"I can't tell whether to be grossed out by the prank or laughing my ass off," admitted Dino.

"Just wait. If I ever have to return to that stupid little town I grew up in I plan to have even more gross revenge on the majority of it. I was thinking trench buckets and catapults."

"...Do I dare want to ask?"

Tsuna pulled out his phone.

"This started up two months after I dropped out of school and came to Italy. Took me four before I accidentally stumbled on the site while trying to see if anyone even noticed I went missing or even cared," said Tsuna flatly. "After that I quit caring nearly as much about what my former classmates had to say."

Dino started scrolling through the comments and within a few moments he was already cringing.

"And that's just six months worth. About the only good the site ever did was cause the star baseball player in the school to drop out of the team and then convince his dad to let him move to another district. Apparently realizing how cruel and callous our classmates were was a bit of a wake up call that he needed new friends, badly."

Dino winced.

"What about your mom?"

"My mother gave up a long time ago. She would openly tell me that she didn't care if I didn't even make it to high school so long as I enjoyed life. She was too busy pining after her nonexistent husband that never came home."

Tsuna found himself wrapped up in a massive hug from Dino.

He was not surprised in the _least_ when a few days later Tino called him and Reborn and told them that they now had an ironclad alliance with the Cavallone famiglia. If anyone asked, Dino would truthfully claim that it was because one of their heirs had returned the three missing Guardian rings that had been stolen.

The real reason was because Dino fully saw Tsuna as a little brother and didn't want the Vongola getting any ideas of trying to use his connections against the kid. The Ninth generation had become increasingly senile of late.


	6. Chapter 6

It probably said far too much about the situation that when Xanxus got out of his icy prison and found out _exactly_ what had been going on while he was in ice, that he started laughing. Hard.

(At least once he got over the shocked pain of learning all his brothers and his grandmother were dead, and that the old fucker didn't even have the decency to unfreeze him long enough to attend the damn funerals.)

"So let me get this shit straight. Iemitsu's _own fucking kid_ stuffed his entire headquarters with dead bodies and then mocked the mook squad that came with you for being pansy enough to throw up from handling dead bodies? And to top it all off, he's been telling that old bastard to go fuck himself and keeps working as a cleaner rather than try to be Decimo?" said Xanxus.

"We have pictures," said Mammon.

"Share. Now."

Xanxus had a lot of trouble breathing, seeing the infamous Corpse Prank photos. He liked this kid. He liked him a lot.

"Why did he do it though?"

"He was pissed at Iemitsu for choosing his job over his family, apparently. His mother is so busy pining over her missing husband she was oblivious to the hell her son was going through. She cried so much that he decided Iemitsu deserved a rather unpleasant wake up call that his actions have consequences."

A strange glint entered his eye. If there was one thing he could understand it was being protective of your mother. Even if his mother was a whore, she still cared for him when she could.

"I want to meet this kid."

"You'll have to put up with Reborn for a time. The Speranza have hired him as a general tutor since the kid is still behind in his schoolwork, which also includes bodyguarding," said Viper.

"...Why didn't the old bastard hire him to teach the kid as the next Decimo?"

It was an obvious move, considering Iemitsu was bloodline, but removed from succession because of his position.

Viper's grin was vicious.

"He _tried_. Reborn told him he wasn't about to get between a pissing contest involving Irene Speranza and Nono because he couldn't be bothered to keep track of his heirs. Tsuna paid us to find his paternal grandmother and helped to make contact with them, and the second they found out why he was working as a cleaner in the first place they took him in. Officially he's their third heir, with the agreement that he be allowed to keep his freelancer status since he has a number of contacts that would take it ill to owe another famiglia they aren't allied with. Though he is responsible for the ironclad alliance between the Speranza and the Cavallone group."

Xanxus looked interested. It sounded like the kid wasn't about to put up with Nono or Iemitsu's bullshit. He liked him already.

"What did he do?"

"Tsuna has a habit of looting the corpses he disposes of, and among the things he takes are 'odd bits of jewelry'," said Viper.

"Wait... this kid is the source of all the Flame rings that you've been getting your hands on?"

Viper smirked.

"He had no idea what they were, just an odd collection he started. He was very surprised when I offered to pay him for the good ones and gave me all the lesser rings to melt down and sell off to lesser ring smiths in exchange for a minor kidnapping of his grandmother. He stumbled across the missing Cavallone Guardian rings, and gave them back to Dino last Christmas as a show of good will since he didn't really care either way."

"He gave them back. As a Christmas present," deadpanned Xanxus. That was the sort of shit you held onto for collateral.

"Tsuna isn't the sort to care about politics...if he was he wouldn't have remained a cleaner after being made the third heir. However he secured Dino's loyalty to him as a surrogate older brother and the gratitude of the Cavallone famiglia in one fell swoop, meaning they'd be more likely to ignore the Vongola's demands if it involved him."

Xanxus grinned.

Now that was more like it. He had the feeling Tsuna was just being a nice person, returning the rings, but it was still rather devious of him to pretend it was a Christmas present. And the timing was absolutely perfect, because the second Nono heard who had returned the rings he would know that trying to get the kid to return to the Vongola to act as Decimo through Reborn's former student was now impossible.

If Tsuna had no interest in the position (and his job pretty much screamed he didn't), then Dino would happily put up any roadblocks he could just to make Nono's life difficult without actually doing anything.

Xanxus highly doubted Reborn had anything to do with this... if he had known Tsuna had the rings he certainly wouldn't have told the brat to hand them over just like that, as a present of all things.

* * *

It only took a few weeks before he finally got to meet the kid, and when he did they got along like a house on fire. Literally, in fact, as Xanxus had just set a fire to kill his target after a particularly frustrating two days of tracking the ass down and Tsuna just happened to stumble on him while cleaning out an alleyway nearby.

"...Are you committing arson?" he asked incredulous. "In broad daylight no less?"

"Bastard was raping the prostitutes and scarring them in a way they would have a lot of trouble earning money. Besides, he was my target," deadpanned Xanxus.

"...How hot did you make that fire?" asked Tsuna thoughtfully.

"They're going to need dental records to identify him later," said Xanxus. He had a zero tolerance policy on rapists, and this scum had pissed him off.

Tsuna eyed the fire, then looked back at the alleyway.

"Does that door open inward or outward?"

"Inward, why?"

"Because I'm thinking we can use my cargo to block the main exit and make it even harder for your target to get out, especially if we build the fire high enough," said Tsuna.

Xanxus blinked, before a wide grin came upon his face.

"Xanxus."

"Wait, are you the same Xanxus who's the head of the Varia?" asked Tsuna in shock.

"You know me?"

Tsuna grinned.

"I'm the poor bastard they hire regularly to clean Lussuria's rooms. Tsuna Speranza," he said, holding out his hand. He was rather happy Xanxus shook it.

"So... want to cause chaos and untold mental trauma in the name of desecrating the dead?"

"Who wouldn't?" said Tsuna happily. "I even have my phone on me, so we can dance on the ashes!"

Xanxus grinned widely. He already liked this kid.

Reborn took _one_ look at the fact that Tsuna was out getting very, very drunk with the Varia boss...and promptly hit him.

"No getting a minor drunk... unless you're willing to source me some of the good stuff too," said Reborn. Xanxus promptly slid a bottle of the high quality booze his way. "Carry on."

Tsuna didn't even ask why he had a massive hangover the next morning. Or why Xanxus had apparently decided to program his personal number into Tsuna's phone himself.

He just knew that he had a new penpal who didn't mind his job.

* * *

_Two months later_

It probably said something that when Tsuna went to clean out the Varia castle again, he was more or less hijacked by Xanxus to go out drinking once he found the corpses that were worst off.

There was something about Xanxus that was bugging him, and it wasn't until he mentally compared the older man to Dino that it hit him.

Xanxus was treating him like a runty little brother he could spoil and train into something interesting.

It was a rather amusing moment when Tsuna casually let slip "Xanxus-nii" when the man was about to take a drink of some rather expensive brandy, only for him to choke once his mind fully registered what the kid called him.

However the Wrath didn't look angry at the idea...if anything he ruffled Tsuna's hair a bit with a fond expression.

"So Xanxus-nii, want to help me plot some new pranks to traumatize the jackass that may or may not involve desecrating the dead and getting him into far too much trouble with the local cops trying to explain why he has human body parts in his car?"

Xanxus looked so gleeful at the idea that he was more than enthusiastic about making Iemitsu's day harder than it needed to be.

Especially if they could get the old fucker who froze him for so long.

(Timoteo's face when they found severed limbs under the seats after the heat was turned on was particularly amusing. They still had no idea how exactly Tsuna pulled it off.)

* * *

"So you're going to Namimori?" asked Reborn.

"It's mom's birthday and I missed the others. I figure since things are finally looking up and I can afford it, I should pay a visit. Besides...there's still the small matter of that damn website that's _long_ overdue in regards to horrifying and disgusting revenge."

Reborn had seen the site.

He wouldn't blame Tsuna in the least for being pissed off about that...hell, he would be pretty unhappy about it to the point he would track down the worst offenders and teach them a lesson. The fact it had been started by his classmates only hurt more, but at least Tsuna knew that most of them still lived in the same town, which meant he just had to raid for 'supplies' to teach them all a lesson.

Odds were it would leave the cops very confused as to why someone would raid all the morgues for the unidentified dead bodies only to chop them up or pose them in horrifying and traumatic ways, but who cared about them?

"You could always give your mother an all expenses paid ticket to Italy, where she can finally meet her mother in law...and then we could direct her to where Iemitsu is," said Irene smirking.

That particular conversation was long overdue, after all.

Tsuna perked up at that. His mother could use a vacation, and it was long past time Iemitsu got a taste of reality.

With that in mind, he started making preparations...with any luck they'll have time to hit the houses of people who had made his life hell _and_ be able to celebrate his mother's birthday properly in Italy.

* * *

_In Japan_

There was an unexplained rash of robberies in several morgues across Japan, though no one would notice the pattern that they were all centered roughly around the town of Namimori until after the fact. Considering bodies were traditionally cremated, rather than buried, they were all relatively fresh.

Tsuna wasn't that hard up that he would rob the few foreign cemetaries for some riper bodies.

It was a major pain chopping up the bodies into parts... but eventually he had enough to launch from the catapult Hayato and Reborn had great fun in building.

Tsuna had used Viper to track down the worst offenders on the site, so that he could inflict maximum trauma on them and their family.

Unsurprisingly, those same offenders were also the very people who had harrassed him the most in real life. He hoped that bastard science teacher of his suffered hell from the neighbors from the smell.

"Everything set up?" asked Tsuna to Reborn.

"I have the test rounds all prepped. You ready to inflict chaos before they're launched?"

With any luck they'll time this _just_ right so that the posed corpses would be discovered around the same time Hayato and Tsuna launched the catapult. They would have to move around a few times for best effect, but if they did it right then it would totally be worth every bit of effort.

In the wee hours of the night, when only the most die hard night owls would be awake (Reborn agreed to keep watch, since Tsuna was better at posing the bodies anyway), the two went to work.

Aside from a few new misses, and Reborn having to shoot out a few security cameras...which there were few, but enough to cause problems later...they managed to get it all done with no one the wiser.

As the sun began to break over the town, Tsuna smirked darkly.

It was time.

"Launch one!"

Hayato grinned as he set off the catapults, and Reborn used his high-powered scope to make sure they had the right distance before using the real ammo.

He had never seen someone learn math that fast, but then again Tsuna was _highly_ motivated to get this right on the first try.

"About two degrees to the left, and one degree down," Reborn reported amused.

After all, they wanted to be sure they hit the bedroom windows of the people who had pissed Tsuna off.

Hayato adjusted accordingly and set out another volley.

"One degree to the right, otherwise you'll hit it _perfectly," _said Reborn.

Once Hayato hit the windows, Tsuna and Basil loaded up the catapults with the chopped up parts.

"Fire!" said Reborn with great glee, looking like some sort of pirate with Leon as a parrot.

Tsuna snorted at the image.

It was a good thing they were able to hit most of the houses with the first few volleys, because Tsuna could tell Hibari had apparently figured out where they were coming from and he was not happy.

Besides, they were out of parts. He had at least been considerate enough to keep the parts with the body they had come from when launching.

The group headed to the nearest place to wash off, and once they were clean (and the smell of death and decay more or less gone) they went straight to Tsuna's old home.

He had come armed with his mother's favorite flowers, some very expensive chocolate and some new cookbooks, since he knew she loved to cook and try new recipes.

"Mama, I'm home!" Tsuna called out.

Nana, when she heard his voice turned around in shock and actually dropped the plate she was holding.

"Tsu-kun!" she said with open relief.

Tsuna frowned at the tone.

"Mama, please don't tell me that our idiot neighbors showed you that stupid website," said Tsuna unhappily.

Considering how tightly she was hugging him, he could only assume that was a yes.

It looked like he had a few more people to traumatize before they left, for making his mother unhappy.

"Hey Mama, I got a big surprise for you! I was able to earn enough money at my job that I could buy a trip to Italy! You really deserve a vacation and I'm sure you could use a break from this boring town," said Tsuna, trying to remain cheerful.

"Oh Tsu-kun, you didn't have to," said Nana, trying to smile.

"I want to Mama. You took care of me for all these years, even when he never came home or bothered to stay. I want to do something good for you for once. Besides, Grandma wants to meet you since _he_ never told her about us," said Tsuna.

Nana blinked.

"Grandma?" she repeated.

"Dad's mom is still alive, and I have uncles. They were all very unhappy he kept us from them, and Uncle Tino said it was ridiculous to keep family apart because of work," said Tsuna with a straight face. "In fact they hired Reborn to act as my general tutor, since I dropped out. I'm almost ready to graduate high school now!"

"Ciaossu. You have a very entertaining son," said Reborn with a straight face.

"Besides Mama...it's about time you were allowed to properly celebrate your birthday," said Tsuna.

Nana was clearly touched by that. She didn't stop hugging her son, or hold back from bringing Hayato and Basil into it when introduced.

"So when does our plane leave, Tsu-kun?"

"We can leave three days before your birthday, so you can get over the jetlag and enjoy Italy properly!" said Tsuna.

Besides, it gave Tsuna plenty of time to explain to Hibari why he caused so much chaos and hopefully avoid being bitten to death by the irate teen.

And scare the living shit out of his former classmates to explain to them how spreading a false rumor like that was going to bite them in the ass eventually.


	7. Chapter 7

Tsuna was trying very hard not to cackle when he heard about the school assembly being called. He still had one more trick to pull to make his point about making assumptions.

Hayato had already knocked out the former thug at the computer for the powerpoint presentation. He had a new one loaded up, and they were waiting for Kusakabe to signal for it.

The second they did, a list of screennames as well as their _actual_ names were displayed, along with a long laundry list of "comments" made on the site.

Hayato had barricaded the door, so despite some rather impressive efforts they were unable to stop the display. Not that it would have helped...the program was set to continue automatically, and he had long since vacated the room.

There was dead silence as many of them recognized their names on the screen and realized that almost to a man they were all the same people who had their windows ruined by body parts flying through them and into their rooms. More than one person had the body part land on their very bed when they were awoken so rudely.

Hibari stalked onto the stage furious. More because someone had hijacked _his_ assembly than because of what was on the screen.

Tsuna signaled Basil, and the two of them began dumping strips of paper like confetti all with the same website address to hammer in why this was happening to them.

Seeing several of them pale, Tsuna waited for people to use their phones to look up what the site was...and realization to start hitting home.

The panic in the room was at an all time high. Tsuna smirked.

Time for his grand entrance.

"You never should have written me off as dead, assholes!" he shouted in the silence.

He used the rope next to him to practically fly down to the stage, giving quite a few people the shock of their lives.

He glared at the entire student body.

"Did you bastards really think I would take that website lying down? That I wouldn't snap and decided to get a bit of revenge for you writing me off as a suicide and saying all those horrible things when I had enough and left this town?" he spat.

"Herbivore..." growled Hibari. He was not happy about this.

Tsuna looked at Hibari and on impulse said something he probably shouldn't have, but couldn't quite bring himself to give a damn.

"Fon says 'Hi', Hibari-sempai," said Tsuna quietly.

Reborn had apparently consulted with Fon about certain details, and when he found out where they were going asked that they passed on that message to Kyouya.

Hibari's eyes widened in shock, before he glared at the boy.

"What is the purpose of all this, Herbivore?"

"These false carnivores thought it was _hilarious_ to claim I had committed suicide, and it was so bad that when I came back home after four years my own _mother_ thought I actually HAD. Our neighbors apparently thought it was perfectly acceptable to bring it up often enough that she was relieved to see me alive," said Tsuna in disgust. "Never mind the fact that all I did was move to Italy and get a job."

Hibari was silent.

"And the dead bodies?"

"Well _someone_ has to clean up after one of your rampages, Hibari-sempai. Though cutting them up did make it easier to dispose of them," said Tsuna loud enough for EVERYONE to hear the comment.

Realizing _he_ was the one responsible for the horrors of the past few days came as a very nasty wake up call for his former bullies.

Tsuna was barely able to escape without being bitten to death, but Kyouya did in fact find out if his claim was valid first.

Finding out about the site after the fact (mostly because Kusakabe had also believed Tsuna had killed himself, and therefor hadn't brought it to his attention) and the number of rather damaging comments on it was enough to cool his ire towards the small animal's actions.

If someone had made a site like that about HIM and then his mother had actually believed it, he would have been very pissed off as well.

Though what was with the dead bodies?

* * *

Takeshi felt the fact he accidentally broke some of the dishes he was supposed to be taking to the kitchen to clean justified upon seeing that familiar head of hair and that face come into the restaurant.

"Takeshi!" scolded Tsuyoshi, at least until he realized that his son was staring at the newcomer with cold, flat shock.

"Tsuna? You're alive?" he said with no little amount of disbelief.

Tsuna scowled at that.

"Please don't remind me of that stupid website. At least I was able to convince Hibari-sempai not to bite me to death for getting back at those jerks for making it, much less the comments."

Tsuyoshi looked at his son and then at the boy before him.

"This have anything to do with the cyber-bullying back in Namimori?" he asked flatly.

"That and the recent bit of corpses being stolen and then found dismembered or in weird poses in people's yards," said Tsuna far too cheerfully about the matter.

"That was you?" said Takeshi, laughing. Once he figured out what the connection was to all the families that had that happen to them, he had been more amused than disgusted.

Tsuna smiled 'innocently' at him, which was pretty much a confirmation he was behind it.

"Anyway I got sent on an errand to pick up some sushi for the Prince. Apparently he heard where I was going and demanded I pick up some of your best sushi platters, and Mammon was willing to loan me their jet since it was going to be in the area anyway," said Tsuna cheerfully.

The 'ticket' he had given his mother was a fake. After calling Mammon and mentioning he would be unavailable for a week or two because he was heading to Namimori to bring his mother to Italy for her birthday, the Mist had offered to loan him the Varia's personal plane. However he had to pick up some sushi platters from TakeSushi, in order to pacify Belphegor and keep him from going there himself.

Sure it meant his mother would be in close proximity to a bunch of ruthless assassins, but they all liked Tsuna anyway and they knew _Xanxus_ would go after their ass personally if he found out they had hurt Nana.

Mostly because the Wrath was big on honoring mothers, and the fact that this would also ruin Iemitsu's fake bachelor lifestyle meant he was more than happy to sign off on the idea to make the man's life hell.

"Coming right up!" said Tsuyoshi, having already figured out that the kid before him was either part of the mafia or at least it's outskirts.

Besides, he could feel the Sky flame coming off the boy and hoped that perhaps he could nudge Takeshi towards him. Tsuyoshi had already realized his son had natural hit man's instincts, and he didn't want his son to be arrested for them when he finally snapped.

As he waited for his order, Tsuna talked with a rather laid back Takeshi.

"Seriously? The entire team tried to make you do all the work when it came to winning the games? I thought baseball was a team sport?" said Tsuna in disgust.

"It is. The second we moved here, the coach took _one_ look at my practice schedule and benched me. It didn't help that the nurse also made me wear a cast for a month and a half and I had to talk to someone about the fact I was a little too obsessed with baseball. They had a really tense talk with my dad after that, but he never said what it was about."

Tsuna had seen the look in Takeshi's eyes and recognized it for what it was. He had seen the same one in Reborn's eyes, and in several others in the Varia.

It was the gaze of someone who could kill without hesitation or remorse. The gaze of a natural killer.

Which meant Takeshi might actually be perfect for him, because Tsuna could tell the other boy was a Rain. Basil was good, don't get him wrong, but there was still some hold over from the brainwashing Iemitsu put him through. Besides, his instincts told him Takeshi would get along scarily well with Squalo, for some reason.

Tsuna wasn't the least bit surprised when Takeshi's dad took him aside.

"Do you have room for a Rain?" he asked bluntly.

"I have one already, but I don't see why I can't take on another. Does Takeshi have any issues with being around dead bodies?" asked Tsuna equally blunt.

"From what I can tell, not really," said Tsuyoshi. "Especially once his natural instincts kicks in and he starts to _make_ them."

"Well that won't be an issue with me...because I'm one of the poor bastards who has to clean up after people like that."

Tsuyoshi blinked.

"You a cleaner?"

"One of the best, and the Varia pays me to clear their castle at least twice a year," said Tsuna. "At most I would just need Takeshi's help moving some big bruiser or posing a dead corpse for amusement or a reminder not to stiff me in payment. Enough to keep the Honored Law Keepers from getting snippy because he's Active and not in the mafia. It's how I've been coasting anyway."

While it wasn't exactly what he wanted from Takeshi, Tsuyoshi was openly worried about his son. If turning him into a cleaner would keep him from going down the wrong path, then he was fine with that.

Tsuna left Tsuyoshi his phone number, so if Takeshi went active he could send his son to Italy and know he would be in good hands. For now he should enjoy being a civilian for as long as possible.

To say that the Varia mooks in the plane were rather tense around Nana was an understatement. Mostly because they were worried about upsetting her, and therefor getting their asses handed to them by Xanxus.

They needed have worried. So long as they kept the whole "elite assassins" bit quiet, Nana was positively cheerful about the ride.

* * *

Tsuna just couldn't wait for the show when Nana busted her husband with the floozies he liked to occupy himself with, as opposed to his _wife._

Nana rather enjoyed Italy, unaware that Tsuna was tracking Iemitsu's movements via Lal Mirch... she was all too happy to help bust her boss, because it pissed her off that he cheated on his wife like this.

Tsuna coordinated with Lal, and the two made plans to get Iemitsu into a great deal of hot water with not just his wife, but whoever he had picked up as his date for the night.

"Come on Mama, you'll love this restaurant. Grandma's taken me a few times when I've done well on my tests and they have really good pasta," said Tsuna.

Which was partially true, his grandmother had treated him every so often whenever he had a bad day, but it was Uncle Tino who had taken him to this particular place.

They were trying to make up for the lost years because of the fact Iemitsu hadn't told them about his wife and son.

Nana smiled indulgently. So far she was greatly enjoying Italy, and it was good to see her son finally smile for once. Though she did frown a bit when Tsuna ordered wine...apparently it was a cultural thing, so she kept silent on the matter. It did taste rather good with the food though.

Tsuna's intuition _sang_ and he knew that it was almost showtime.

Nana was rather enjoying the evening...and then she heard _his_ voice. He was laughing, talking jovially with another. While she didn't understand what he was saying, she recognized the tone.

It was the same tone he used when he was being lovey-dovey with her.

Tsuna looked around, before quietly pointing out Iemitsu a few tables over.

Lal must have picked the reservation, because there was a clear line of sight between them.

Tsuna smirked... Reborn was going to be rather pleased when he saw his student using all those math lessons he crammed into his head.

He took his spoon and armed it with the leftovers from his plate. While Nana might frown at the idea of wasting food, this time she would make an exception.

With the aim born of Reborn-trained precision, he aimed his 'weapon' at Iemitsu and launched with just enough force to land the food on Iemitsu's date.

The woman made an unholy shriek when she registered the pasta on her fancy (read: slutty) dress, which had Iemitsu looking around for the brat who caused it.

It wasn't until a second 'attack' hit him on the back of his head that he figured it out, though his look went from annoyed to surprised seeing the culprit.

"Tsuna? What are you doing here?" he asked in Japanese.

"I have a better question, _darling_," said a voice in a tone that spoke volumes of how screwed he was. "What are you doing on a date with that woman? I thought you were working in the Arctic?"

If Iemitsu was confused by Tsuna's presence, he went pale with shock when he realized his _wife_ had seen him with another woman. Worse, she had almost certainly seen him flirting with the scantily dressed female with the clear intent on sleeping with her later.

Iemitsu's date was less than happy with him paying more attention to the rather 'plain' looking woman with her son. And she made it known in spades with her rather shrill voice.

Tsuna could feel the glee Reborn and the others had watching the scene. While the other patrons were watching it with the fascination of a train wreck, Tsuna was taking dark satisfaction at having busted his father.

Nana was less than pleased finding out her husband was cheating on her. And nothing Iemitsu could say or do would change things.

"I want a divorce," she said flatly.

After everything she went through, after how patient she was with his visits, this was the last straw.

Nana waited until they were out of the restaurant to ask her son seriously... "Did you know about your father?"

"I couldn't bear to see you cry anymore over a man who doesn't actually care about us."

Nana hugged her son. It hurt...but the pain was more like the setting of a broken bone. It was a hurt that would lead to a long overdue healing of wounds.


End file.
